Sun
Just got back home from some time in the sun with some friends. Was nice to sit there and get a tan and talk some crap witht them. Time to take a shower and eat something. Im so hungry.
My beautiful girl has called and I wasnt home, sad. I miss her when she is away, and I hope to see her soon again. This is what is worth my time.
Ill write some more when I get out of the shower and have had something to eat.
Had my lunch, took some nice pic of my self and sent it to my girl. Yeah hope she likes it. I also went out on a 8km inline ride and it was really nice and warm out. So couldnt ask for anything better.
Everything is just wonderful today. Only thing missing is her waiting for me at home with a smile, a big hug and a soft kiss :D
// F
My beautiful girl has called and I wasnt home, sad. I miss her when she is away, and I hope to see her soon again. This is what is worth my time.
Ill write some more when I get out of the shower and have had something to eat.
Had my lunch, took some nice pic of my self and sent it to my girl. Yeah hope she likes it. I also went out on a 8km inline ride and it was really nice and warm out. So couldnt ask for anything better.
Everything is just wonderful today. Only thing missing is her waiting for me at home with a smile, a big hug and a soft kiss :D
// F
Hey
Angel, hey beautiful, hi my gorgeous one. I wont let you down, I made my self that promise and you know to who, that means something.
May the light be with you...
Tired and happy
Im tired of all pathetic people that hide behind their anonymity. Im tired of people that cant answer for them selfs and hide behind others. Something Ive experienced the last few days. Its sad, really sad to be honest. Sometimes I think people live in their own lies in such a way that they belive them, and its so damn obvious too. When someone youve known just seem to find it amusing to arse around, actaully I dont care, and I shouldnt give them my time either. Why? Because its not worth it. I have other more important things to think about then let some foolish, childish play consume my time. Enough of this and on to better things.
Im happy, very happy. Im actually glad that I left my old life, or that my old life left me, so to speak. Im glad that Ive found this new way and all the expectations that comes with it. Im looking for jobs in Gothenburg now, and actually an ex girlfriend of mine could help me with one. Lets see how it works out.
Im happy because Ive met the most wonderful girl there is, that cares. We are both acting like teenagers and its a lot of laughs. It might be that people that see us might think we are a bit crazy, but we are. I just wanna scream out "YES YES WE ARE IN LOVE OKI", giving eachother kisses and hugs everywhere. Its nice to feel that, its nice to feel that you are proud to be this persons someone, and you dont have to hide it. And we are sertainly not hiding it. It even feels special to stand outside her work and wait for her. To say "ohhh honey hope youve had a great day at work" and just give her a kiss and a big warm hug. Its nice to feel equal too, not to be the one that has to act more adult than the other. We are both happy to finally found eachother for real.
Well thats it, me and my night bloging. Hope you have found the time to read all about it.
Last few words. Stay true to who you are, when you lie to others you start to lie to yourself.
Let the light guide you all.
// F
Im happy, very happy. Im actually glad that I left my old life, or that my old life left me, so to speak. Im glad that Ive found this new way and all the expectations that comes with it. Im looking for jobs in Gothenburg now, and actually an ex girlfriend of mine could help me with one. Lets see how it works out.
Im happy because Ive met the most wonderful girl there is, that cares. We are both acting like teenagers and its a lot of laughs. It might be that people that see us might think we are a bit crazy, but we are. I just wanna scream out "YES YES WE ARE IN LOVE OKI", giving eachother kisses and hugs everywhere. Its nice to feel that, its nice to feel that you are proud to be this persons someone, and you dont have to hide it. And we are sertainly not hiding it. It even feels special to stand outside her work and wait for her. To say "ohhh honey hope youve had a great day at work" and just give her a kiss and a big warm hug. Its nice to feel equal too, not to be the one that has to act more adult than the other. We are both happy to finally found eachother for real.
Well thats it, me and my night bloging. Hope you have found the time to read all about it.
Last few words. Stay true to who you are, when you lie to others you start to lie to yourself.
Let the light guide you all.
// F
Gothenburg
Today Im on my way to Gothenburg, again. And Im going put my flat on "blocket" to see if there is someone that wants to trade it. You can do that and end up with a nice contract on a flat in a new city. Its going to be awsome to get out of this town really, but Im going to miss a lot of people. Didnt think I would. Im meating up with her also, and it feels so wonderful and Im happy and cant wait untill tonight when Ill pick her up from work.
I see everything like an adventure, but a good one with me as the lead charracter. Im the center of the story, and not the things that surrounds me. Its me and her hand in hand, yes its a bit cheesy, but I cant help it. Its nice to feel like you mean something for real, and that you cant be replaced by some summer fling. She feels the same thing. Im happy that I was singel, yes Im not anymore. Like I said the other day, sometimes faith smiles at you in a good way. I couldnt ask for more when it comes to this person.
I had a long talk last night with one of my best friends, she isnt feeling well and stuff from the past is troubling her. Im going to be there for her in the same way she was there for me when I had a down. Dont ever think that you are alone, yet not loved, because you are. You have become one of the most important persons in my life, and even though there is a lot of distance between us, since you dont live in sweden, I hope that we never loose contact or stop talking to eachother. You are one of those soulmates in life.
Time for breakfast and some reading, since Ive actually took my behind to the library and got me some books.
// F
I see everything like an adventure, but a good one with me as the lead charracter. Im the center of the story, and not the things that surrounds me. Its me and her hand in hand, yes its a bit cheesy, but I cant help it. Its nice to feel like you mean something for real, and that you cant be replaced by some summer fling. She feels the same thing. Im happy that I was singel, yes Im not anymore. Like I said the other day, sometimes faith smiles at you in a good way. I couldnt ask for more when it comes to this person.
I had a long talk last night with one of my best friends, she isnt feeling well and stuff from the past is troubling her. Im going to be there for her in the same way she was there for me when I had a down. Dont ever think that you are alone, yet not loved, because you are. You have become one of the most important persons in my life, and even though there is a lot of distance between us, since you dont live in sweden, I hope that we never loose contact or stop talking to eachother. You are one of those soulmates in life.
Time for breakfast and some reading, since Ive actually took my behind to the library and got me some books.
// F
I laugh
This comment was posted on my blog, and I just have to break it down for you, and make everyone read it.
Its in swedish so I will translate it. Here it comes:
" Så löjligt, Du leker som ett litet skadat rådjur som alla sårat patetiskt väx upp!Du snackar bara massa skit om allt och alla och leker någon jävla martyr"
"How pathetic. You are playing around like a deer that everyone have hurt. Pathetic grow up! You just talk shit a about everything and everyone and you are playing some kind of fucking martyr"
A comment like that deserves a laugh, and Ill even give you a hug. When you choose to be anonymous and you cant stand for your own oppinion by being honest about who you are. Sad, but its not mandatory to read my blog, my thoughts and what I think about sertain things. But it mustve touched you in some way, to read what I think. To mention, is that some of the things I wrote in my old blog doesnt belong here and they dont deserv my attention, and I havent mentioned anyone in my new blog by name if its not in a good way. But you seem to know who I am in real life, thats obvious.
You are free to express what ever feeling you have in my blog, I dont mind. When I read that, it must be sad, and pretty obvious, that you dont seem happy with your life. Im happy with mine and feel great. I hope that you find something that will make you happy, because that anger you have inside of you must feel like such a burden since you take your time to write something like that in my blog.
Well the ones that have read all this. In some way its fun to know that you still make an impact in someones life, since its difficult to comrpehend that they have take their time to write something like that. But it amuses me to the point I have to laugh. I know whats important in life and what is not. It seems like you dont really have understood whats important in yours, so I suggest you find that out.
// F
Its in swedish so I will translate it. Here it comes:
" Så löjligt, Du leker som ett litet skadat rådjur som alla sårat patetiskt väx upp!Du snackar bara massa skit om allt och alla och leker någon jävla martyr"
"How pathetic. You are playing around like a deer that everyone have hurt. Pathetic grow up! You just talk shit a about everything and everyone and you are playing some kind of fucking martyr"
A comment like that deserves a laugh, and Ill even give you a hug. When you choose to be anonymous and you cant stand for your own oppinion by being honest about who you are. Sad, but its not mandatory to read my blog, my thoughts and what I think about sertain things. But it mustve touched you in some way, to read what I think. To mention, is that some of the things I wrote in my old blog doesnt belong here and they dont deserv my attention, and I havent mentioned anyone in my new blog by name if its not in a good way. But you seem to know who I am in real life, thats obvious.
You are free to express what ever feeling you have in my blog, I dont mind. When I read that, it must be sad, and pretty obvious, that you dont seem happy with your life. Im happy with mine and feel great. I hope that you find something that will make you happy, because that anger you have inside of you must feel like such a burden since you take your time to write something like that in my blog.
Well the ones that have read all this. In some way its fun to know that you still make an impact in someones life, since its difficult to comrpehend that they have take their time to write something like that. But it amuses me to the point I have to laugh. I know whats important in life and what is not. It seems like you dont really have understood whats important in yours, so I suggest you find that out.
// F
Hey lady faith...
...it looks like you are smiling at me. Im glad you are. Please let it be true. Im not up for any more mindgames or things that wont work out. Let it be my turn to have some success in life. It has not been an easy ride so far, and you know that. But hey Ive learned my lesson, and know that its important to stay true to yourself. Im finnished with all the old things, my old ways. I have to be the one I want others to be, or I will end up at the nearest curb.
So here I sit at night, well its the time of day I prefer to write, when my little brains tells me "hey why dont you say a few words and speak to the world", not that its that many that reads this blog. But thats actually not the important thing. The thing is I just love to write down how and what I feel. I know that I have my ups and downs and when I read what I have written before, I must look a bit mad. But I am. I think that to survive this society you have to be. We have to sort out whats important and what isnt, or most of us will dig our own little grave.
Well that was my thoughts for tonight. And well Ill wake up tomorrow and have a new day with new things that constantly circles around in my complicated mind.
// F p.s Ill never forget about the friends that are important to me d.s
So here I sit at night, well its the time of day I prefer to write, when my little brains tells me "hey why dont you say a few words and speak to the world", not that its that many that reads this blog. But thats actually not the important thing. The thing is I just love to write down how and what I feel. I know that I have my ups and downs and when I read what I have written before, I must look a bit mad. But I am. I think that to survive this society you have to be. We have to sort out whats important and what isnt, or most of us will dig our own little grave.
Well that was my thoughts for tonight. And well Ill wake up tomorrow and have a new day with new things that constantly circles around in my complicated mind.
// F p.s Ill never forget about the friends that are important to me d.s
Into the night...
... you cary me with your voice and the way you talk to me. I couldnt feel any better and youve made it clear how much you care about me. Let us keep this feeling and make things happen.
Morning thoughts
I lay in my bed to rest. I see my future pass when I close my eyes. I see my self walking in the morning sun. My head down watching my feet walk on the designated path. I wish I could be on my way to be then one im supposed to be. I cant look up because Im affraid. I just need to be, need to feel, need to see. I can hurt, laugh, cry, feel every little muscle in my body that wants to take those steps that I just cant take. Life is wonderful, complicated, and yet so simple. Still you wonder why It cant be just that, an easy journey into the future. Just let me, let me take that chance, hold me, take me and feel my soul that just wants to be happy...
// F
// F
Im scared...
... to death for the first time in my life when it comes to a girl. Im so scared because all of the bad things that have happened before in my life. Scared to hurt this girl and to get hurt my self. Its difficult when all these intence feelings shows up again and you dont know if its for real this time or just another tale that will be forgotten.
Im scared because she has ment so much to me before and still does. Im acting like a 15 year old boy when I talk to her, cant help it. But when that boy goes away there I stand with both feet in the grown up world with all my thoughts. Im so finnished with having relationships that wont go anywhere. To put your heart out there time after time and still end up in tears. Well yes I know that every relationship needs work, but sometimes you just want it to be perfect, or close to it. I just want to be that one, the one that you treat with respect allways to be loved and just work for it for life. I just cant take more of those lost cases of tries. I want this, if we decide to be a couple. I want it to be for real no looking back and think about all the old stuff, just look forward and see what we have ahead of us. This scares me so much because I cant read into the futuer, I cant see whats going to happen or if this is going to be something solid. I hope it will be when we decide what to do. It feels that way, but I dont want to get my hopes up.
Me being scared can result in me turning off my feelings and stop showing how much I care and just be the one to ruin it all. I want to be strong this time and fight, fight not to shut them off and keep it up, say everything I think, thoughts, be a good boyfriend, be a good lover and specialy a good listener and to allways be there and to care. Im done shutting things off. Gah Im frustrated because its hard to put words on things you really feel. A little chaos with some strange order. Ha ha.
Well I care about you a lot and the last thing I want to do is to let you down, yet again. Im here this time for real. Hope we can make it special and make it into the history books.
// F
No other love
"No other love
No other touch
Gimme gimme oh so much
Turn me on, turn me on
Won’t you please get out of my head Get back into my bed now, come kiss me, come with me Cause’ I can’t hardly sleep without you, can’t stop thinking bout you girl I want you, I need you
And I’m ready for love, I’m ready for us to lose control Oh you know and I know that
No other love No other touch Gimme gimme oh so much Turn me on, turn me on No other kiss No one like this Feeling that I can’t resist Turn me on, turn me on, turn me on
I had my share of lovers But there is no other girl, your special, now let’s go Cause love I want you more than ever, want to do whatever now To keep you, I need you
And I’m ready for love, I\'m ready for us to lose control Oh you know and I know that
No other love No other touch Gimme gimme oh so much Turn me on, turn me on No other kiss No one like this Feeling that I can’t resist Turn me on, turn me on, turn me on
I say your turning me on now, say your turning me oh-oh-oh-on Say your turning me on with your smile, to your lips, to the words of this song ah know I used to say I was too young, now I’m grown up But I put you where you need that strong, real goodie good loving Stevie wonder said it’s been so long And Imma a give it if you need it are you ready to receive it Boy I-I-I-I-I (wanna give you some love), I wanna give you some love and affection, you got my attention
See I’m ready for love, I’m ready for us to loose control Oh you know, and I know that
No other love No other touch Gimme gimme oh so much Turn me on, turn me on No other kiss No one like this Feeling that I can’t resist Turn me on, turn me on, turn me on"
Hey dont make me blush... But I like it.
Won’t you please get out of my head Get back into my bed now, come kiss me, come with me Cause’ I can’t hardly sleep without you, can’t stop thinking bout you girl I want you, I need you
And I’m ready for love, I’m ready for us to lose control Oh you know and I know that
No other love No other touch Gimme gimme oh so much Turn me on, turn me on No other kiss No one like this Feeling that I can’t resist Turn me on, turn me on, turn me on
I had my share of lovers But there is no other girl, your special, now let’s go Cause love I want you more than ever, want to do whatever now To keep you, I need you
And I’m ready for love, I\'m ready for us to lose control Oh you know and I know that
No other love No other touch Gimme gimme oh so much Turn me on, turn me on No other kiss No one like this Feeling that I can’t resist Turn me on, turn me on, turn me on
I say your turning me on now, say your turning me oh-oh-oh-on Say your turning me on with your smile, to your lips, to the words of this song ah know I used to say I was too young, now I’m grown up But I put you where you need that strong, real goodie good loving Stevie wonder said it’s been so long And Imma a give it if you need it are you ready to receive it Boy I-I-I-I-I (wanna give you some love), I wanna give you some love and affection, you got my attention
See I’m ready for love, I’m ready for us to loose control Oh you know, and I know that
No other love No other touch Gimme gimme oh so much Turn me on, turn me on No other kiss No one like this Feeling that I can’t resist Turn me on, turn me on, turn me on"
Hey dont make me blush... But I like it.
Hey
It was some time ago I wrote on my blog. But hey Im here just have had a lot of things to do. New stuff to think about and to handle. Yeah good things. And happy things that just makes life a little bit better.
Hey you know who you are. You know that through all these years you have allways been there, we have allways been there but never given eachother a fair chance. Now I hope its time to do that. Well after Ive talked to you, seen you again and felt your presence, I cant be without you and I dont even know how Ive been without you for all this time. You have made me open my eyes again, and to put my heart out there for yet another gamble. But the thing is with you, that it doesnt feel like a gamble to me. We are so much alike, we laugh at the same things. I just love the energy you have around you, your smile and your touch. I just love your mind and the fact that you are one of the most intelligent persons I know. How can you like this man? Well I dont know, the only thing I do know is that Im a bit scared but in a good way, is this it, have we waited for all these years just to figure out that we belong? I dont know, but hey lady faith please let it be true, dont put me on yet antother trip that ends up in missery, I care about this girl to much to let it end that way.
And I couldnt feel this way without my wonderfull friends that have been my support, that have talked to me day in and day out, to make me the one I am today. Ive grown to be stronger, to have more faith in my self, not to rely on others.
// F
Hey you know who you are. You know that through all these years you have allways been there, we have allways been there but never given eachother a fair chance. Now I hope its time to do that. Well after Ive talked to you, seen you again and felt your presence, I cant be without you and I dont even know how Ive been without you for all this time. You have made me open my eyes again, and to put my heart out there for yet another gamble. But the thing is with you, that it doesnt feel like a gamble to me. We are so much alike, we laugh at the same things. I just love the energy you have around you, your smile and your touch. I just love your mind and the fact that you are one of the most intelligent persons I know. How can you like this man? Well I dont know, the only thing I do know is that Im a bit scared but in a good way, is this it, have we waited for all these years just to figure out that we belong? I dont know, but hey lady faith please let it be true, dont put me on yet antother trip that ends up in missery, I care about this girl to much to let it end that way.
And I couldnt feel this way without my wonderfull friends that have been my support, that have talked to me day in and day out, to make me the one I am today. Ive grown to be stronger, to have more faith in my self, not to rely on others.
// F
I cant stand it
I cant stand it no more. I cant sleep at all anymore. Not even pills help me to sleep. This town, this flat is just full of so much negative energy and dont know what to do to get rid of it. It follows me, in my time awake, when I sleep, when I dream. Cant get rid of thoughts or clear them out of my head. Why, I just want to find peace. I go out on my daily runs and for what, to see every damn place that reminds me of failure in life. Why I ask my self sometimes, did I move down south in the first place. Even though I know that everything that has happened since then have made me a stronger person. But hey am I the only one that sometimes have the wish that some of the things youve experienced you could live without?
Well soon time for bed, again. And each day I go without sleep I stay up longer and longer just to avoid to lay down in it. Im looking at my bed and I just wish every night, please please let me sleep. I need it so bad. But I cant do nothing about it. I just need someone to hold me close at night. I need to feel loved and to share that beautiful thing with someone special. Well with time it will come I know and Im certainly not in a hurry from my last experience.
//F
Well soon time for bed, again. And each day I go without sleep I stay up longer and longer just to avoid to lay down in it. Im looking at my bed and I just wish every night, please please let me sleep. I need it so bad. But I cant do nothing about it. I just need someone to hold me close at night. I need to feel loved and to share that beautiful thing with someone special. Well with time it will come I know and Im certainly not in a hurry from my last experience.
//F
Stained - Excess baggage
"Well I know the words, but I cant really speak them
To you
And I hide all the pain that Ive gained with my wisdom From you
And Im eaten alive, by what I hold inside All the things that I live with I cant easily hide And Im left here with nothing, nothing to live for But you
Its not easy to hide All this damage inside Ill carry you with me Until Im not alive
When you look at my face, does it seem just as ugly? To you?
I cant seem to erase all the scars I have lived with From you
Im so sick of this place This taste in my mouth Cause of you I cant figure what Im all about And Im left here with nothing, nothing to live for But you
Its not easy to hide All this damage inside Ill carry you with me til Im not alive"
I get it.... no need to explain how you felt, you arent alone.
And I hide all the pain that Ive gained with my wisdom From you
And Im eaten alive, by what I hold inside All the things that I live with I cant easily hide And Im left here with nothing, nothing to live for But you
Its not easy to hide All this damage inside Ill carry you with me Until Im not alive
When you look at my face, does it seem just as ugly? To you?
I cant seem to erase all the scars I have lived with From you
Im so sick of this place This taste in my mouth Cause of you I cant figure what Im all about And Im left here with nothing, nothing to live for But you
Its not easy to hide All this damage inside Ill carry you with me til Im not alive"
I get it.... no need to explain how you felt, you arent alone.
Hey...
... leeches. You know one thing. No matter how much you drain us from energy, how much you use us, we still are going to be the great persons we are.
Things change and even the best of us can feel down and need to be given some thought. We are strong, but sometimes we also need help from others. We might care and listen and be there when ever you need. But we need it too. So for all of you so called "friends", We could also use a hug and hear those words that have been told to many of you so many times. Dont forget that.
So to all you leeches, that take energy, I hope you one day wake up and realize that you have been given much and that its time for you to give back.
// F
Things change and even the best of us can feel down and need to be given some thought. We are strong, but sometimes we also need help from others. We might care and listen and be there when ever you need. But we need it too. So for all of you so called "friends", We could also use a hug and hear those words that have been told to many of you so many times. Dont forget that.
So to all you leeches, that take energy, I hope you one day wake up and realize that you have been given much and that its time for you to give back.
// F
Late night...
... is when thoughts get born, when thoughts just makes you smile or when they get stuck and heavy. When you feel your head just rush through all of your life without a goal. Its refreshing but can also be extreamly hard to handle. When you feel so much mixed things about your life. Resent things that comes up or new things that just gives you light..
... I look into your eyes and you make me happy. Just by the look of your unspoken thoughts that speak to me without you saying a word. Energies that spreads around, like little memory dust that gives me time and space to rest my mind. Like that little island out in the sea, full of peace and warmth, time for thoughts time for that special feeling inside, when you can cry feel the tears roll down your face and just feeling that relief. When I look at you, you are that place were I can be that little boy, or just as great as I can be. You give me some strange peace that keeps me company in my little world all alone. Never let go never think back, you, yeah you, you give me hope...
Time to get some rest, yeah rest, because I cant sleep at all. Not much anyways. My nights and days just keep geting longer and longer. I need that peace now.
Good Night people...
// F
and to you my special little energy... Im allways watching, and caring about you.
... I look into your eyes and you make me happy. Just by the look of your unspoken thoughts that speak to me without you saying a word. Energies that spreads around, like little memory dust that gives me time and space to rest my mind. Like that little island out in the sea, full of peace and warmth, time for thoughts time for that special feeling inside, when you can cry feel the tears roll down your face and just feeling that relief. When I look at you, you are that place were I can be that little boy, or just as great as I can be. You give me some strange peace that keeps me company in my little world all alone. Never let go never think back, you, yeah you, you give me hope...
Time to get some rest, yeah rest, because I cant sleep at all. Not much anyways. My nights and days just keep geting longer and longer. I need that peace now.
Good Night people...
// F
and to you my special little energy... Im allways watching, and caring about you.
I realized...
... that life is never easy. You think you have the grasp of life when it hits you in the back of your head. Not the things that have made you angry or sad, just that the decisions you have to make for your own future aren´t that easy. To move or not to move, to move out of the country or just stay? It seems easy for many people, but I need a firm ground to stand on not that unsertain future many people like. Yes I sound like a bore but its just that I want sertain things in life, like family, a house or anything that you can build on. Im to old to play catch ;) well not really but almost.
Never mind. Well today Im on my way back to sweden after a week of fun in Amsterdam. Gonna need the rest when I get back home, and some more money too. Gonna miss the people that Ive met here and the way you interact with others. So different so much more relaxed. The thing that I love here is that if you meat someone you get introduced by your friend, in Sweden that never happens, or almost never. Thats just good manners. Gonna miss the open way that people have here.
Oh and well the rest of my life is like a little chaos that Im trying to figure out. Well feelings here and there and just need a firm ground to stand on I guess. Well seems that Im not making any sence of what Im trying to say, so time to round of todays writing and try to be productive instead.
// F
I think of you every second.... not you but you ;)
